Blur.

For the first time in a long time, I allowed myself to be stupid. And here, admitting publicly that something so mundane caused me to be irrational in my decisions. The sad part is that there were people who were actually trying to prevent me from pushing through with said decision, but my stubbornness - or persistence, as I would like to call it - would not heed their warnings. I say their, but in reality, it's just her, which would have been enough to stop me. But then again, maybe not.

I'ts a weird feeling, really. or maybe I'm just unsure of anything and everything lately. And for the first time, it manifested. I don't remember being this clueless before. Yes, I acknowledge the fact that maybe I've been this way before, but not to the extent of remembering fragments of it. Perhaps this is exactly why I couldn't answer your question before. Because I've always been careful. And sure.

But I do not doubt this uncertainty. To be honestly ironic, this uncertainty makes me feel sure. Sure in the sense that while I do not know exactly what is going on, I know for a fact that there is. And I'm happy with that knowledge, and actually content with this kind of happiness. Another first time, to tell you the truth, and at the tiniest portion at the back of my mind is hope that it's going to be the last.

Funny, though, is how I felt stupid at my own mistake.
A mistake caused by this uncertainty over you.
Sad, though, is that you're never going to find out.

Not that you should.
But then again....

Chill.